Thankful.

There is something to be said about the friendships one makes in college. While, yes, it is true that your high school friends are with you while you are growing up, and should be applauded for putting up with you for that long, it is your college friends that are with you while you are growing into the woman you will be for the rest of your life.

You are stripped from what you've known for the first 18 years of your life and you are placed in this town, on this campus, in this random, gross building and find yourself amongst complete and total strangers. You spend those first 18 years not even knowing these people exist, and within a matter of months, you cannot see the next 45+ years without them.

The bonds that are formed seem to have always been there. They take you from that foreign place you started at and before you know it, strangers become friends, campus becomes home, and those same friends become family. No longer are your parents under the same roof, no longer do your teachers know you by first name...mother's name..sister's name. Consequently, the relationships you make on your own end up becoming so important.  They become the sanctuary from all things scary when life gets hard and momma's hugs are too far away. These friendships usher you through your first "big girl" ( or so you thought) relationship, first all night cram session, first dates to a "fraternity" function...(well... most of us. some of us weren't cool enough. ha!) first sorority rush, first questions of faith, first heartbreaks, first bad grades, first swaps, first big disappointments, first...(second, third and fourth) major changes. They are there to cover you when your favorite band comes to town and your bank account can't afford your next drink, let alone the cover to get in. They are there to laugh at the girl who dates your  ex after you, even though there is nothing wrong with either person. They  are there to make sure you are in church come Sunday morning. They hate high school boyfriends with you and they wipe tears when your heart hurts so badly you swear it will break.

There is something different.. something special about these friendships. I've always said that it was bitter sweet. We are pulled from comfort, attend a school, and make these great friends. The only downfall is that we are only given four years with them. At the beginning you think four years will last forever. When it's over.. you can't believe it went that fast and would give anything to go back.

Just recently I have realized how special my college friends were.. how speicial they are.. how special they will always be. Throughout those four years, their families became my family, their pets.. my pets, their high school friends.. my new friends, their boyfriends.. my brothers. It is this evolving process that you don't realize is happening until after. How special it is. How blessed one is because of it.

There is something to be said about college friends who love you through good and bad and ugly. Who no longer live down the hall, no longer share a dorm room, but live hours away and still drop whatever it is they having going on in their own lives to be there.. to catch the tears, mend the heart, pray the prayers. The friends who make promises to be there and you know they mean it. The friends who will be there when you walk down the aisle, have your first baby, celebrate your degree, promotion, dream job. They will be  there when one loses a child, gets a divorce, says goodbye to a mother, to a father, way too early. They are the people who hurt when you hurt because they, too, have loved what you have loved and lost what you have lost.

A sweet card, a prayer said on your behalf, a random phone call, a text message, an email, a snap chat, a drive across town, across country.

I've realized that no matter where one goes and ends up after the four years they spend in college, the friendships that were made there will long outlast the time spent on campus. They are special.. they are real... they are genuine.. they are BLESSINGS.

I am thankful. I have been blessed with the best group of friends to have guided me through the last four years and I am a better person for the way in which they are guiding me now and how I know they will guide me in the years to come.

As we had to say goodbye to our first loving, fun, energetic, thoughtful and spirited momma... we cling to this sweet gift of friendship and to His promises we have seen proven true... time and time again.

I love you girls. Today.. and everyday. Thank you for loving me so well. I am a better woman everyday because of it.

                                                           Love,
                                                            Kitty

Beauty in the Now.

I could try and sum up the perfect words for what i am feeling, but Katie Davis does it so much more eloquently than I would ever be able to. Thankful that the Lord uses all of our stories to comfort and encourage others even worlds apart. (1 Corinthians chapter 1).

She clings tightly to the edge of the pool, knuckles while with fear of the unknown. My eyes grow hot but I fight it, surely you can’t cry on the side of the public baby pool in the middle of a perfect Sunday afternoon. I taught her how to swim. But it has been two years this month since she’s lived in my home and longer since she’s been in a pool. The swirl of the cold water and the way it will carry you if you simply relax but pulls you under when you stiffen in panic has become foreign to her.

“Come on!” Patricia pulls at her and it strikes me that she’s just the same age now that Jane was on that day when I packed her backpack and sent her home with her mother and it seems too little. I let the tears fall and ask Him, “What do I do with grief like this on a beautiful, sunny Sunday while kids splash happy all around me?”

“Give it to me,” He whispers.

As the tears clear I see that Patricia has successfully pulled her reluctant friend into the center of the pool. The water reaches only to her chest, but still she is tentative; I know that look in her eyes even as her face tries to smile. Within minutes the reserve melts into relief. The pool! We like the pool! And there she is dancing and splashing and laughing with the rest of them.

The big girls can’t resist all this giggling joy in little sisters and they pull all three over the dividing wall and into the big pool. Again her eyes dart. Is it safe here? She grabs for the edge. But the big girls pull her to the middle to laugh and splash and play and when they don’t let go, she regains her confidence. Soon she’s swimming and splashing and laughing with all her might, fully comfortable with the water all around her, and when it is time to go, she is the hardest to get out.

I wrap her in an enormous soft towel and repent as I pull her close. You would think that I would just be thankful that we still occasionally get these windows of time with her. Who has to give up a child and then still gets to see her sometimes? Not many. I think of all the women I know whose babies have just not woken up in the morning and I know I should be grateful for this gift.

But I’m clinging to the side of the pool. I am clinging to the past and to my what-I-thought-should be instead of to His perfect what-will-be.

I know about the middle of the pool. I know how to swim! I’ve tasted and I have seen that the Lord is good; I have testified with my mouth and known deep in my heart that His will is better than all my plans. I have put together the right words and tied it up in a neat little bow and written it up for the world to see – See! His will is the best! We love it here.

But today a big broken piece of my flesh is clinging to the side, longing for the past and the way I thought I wanted life to be. And the reality is, when I cling here, I don’t have to say a word. My white knuckles and my tense body and the posture of my heart say, “but what if its not? What if His will is just scary cold water and I’ll just stay here on the edge, thanks.” And right there on the side of the pool He uses this little one to bring me to my knees, again.

Who is God when we are clinging to the side? He is the one who comes to right where we are. He is the one who takes our hand and pulls us back to the middle and won’t let go. “Remember, love?” He whispers, “You can swim. I taught you how to swim.” And He doesn’t let go, not ever. Stiffened in panic and doubt, I sink, but relax and lean into Him and the floating comes back easily. The side is not nearly as marvelous as it is out here.
The hope and joy that is found in Jesus Christ, who is working all things for the good of those who love Him, is enough to carry me.

We know this. But the truth is, we all forget. I forget. Life’s hard stings and I question and I wrestle and I believe with all my heart that He will make it all beautiful one day, but can I open my eyes to see that He is making it beautiful now? Right this moment? Because as He pulls me closer to the center of His will, He is only pulling me closer to Him. As I choose to trust Him, again and again and again and again, He promises me that He is transforming me into His likeness. And closer to Him? That is the only place I really want to be.

Stop fighting. Stop holding on so tightly to what you thought you needed for security. Come on out here to the center. He won’t let go. And it’s marvelous here.

Not Such a Nutshell... 2012.

5 days into this new year and i find myself finally sitting down with time. The time to look back on an entire year. Where i've been, places i've gone, people that were friends and became best friends, and on all the ways the Lord has blessed me, stretched me, changed me, showed Himself to me... and every single bit of it merits the time to adequately sit down and digest it.

I recently read a quote that read, " The days are slow, but the years are so, so fast." And i cannot think of a quote that better sums up a year of my life in a nutshell more than this. Looking back, i don't ever know where the time went but  I am beyond thankful for the people I spent it with. Those faithful few who were there, and have been there, the entire way through.

It wasn't easy, but it could have been worse. It wasn't always sunshine, but it taught us to dance in the rain. It wasn't always happiness, but it taught me the difference between happiness and joy. And it wasn't always smooth... but it taught me to appreciate the days, however few and far between they are, where you close your eyes in a moment and think, "this is how it's supposed to be".




I started 2012 off, like many I know did as well,  tending the broken heart that accompanies the loss of a friend. Knowing that whatever the next 365 days would bring, the Lord would be there every step of the way, as He showed us on that day and in the months that followed. The first part of the year is blurry. Filled with heartache and the want or the need, to be there for a best friend while being towns apart. Filled with anxiousness in waiting to hear Pat's sentencing. Those months were long and I saw the power of prayer. I felt the blessing of intimacy from the Lord that came when all I could do to help the people i loved was to pray. Filled with eagerness to start a job that would take me places I had never been before. Once school was out, I hit the ground running. Or should I say flying

I was blessed with the wonderful.. should I say, adventure? I nannied for a family that took me along with them all over the place! I was way out my league, to say the least. Destin for a week, New York for two and then, I fell in love. With Paris that is. It was absolutely beautiful and words, literally, do not do it justice. This job and the adventures that came along with it absolutely MADE my summer. But mostly, the privilege I had of loving on my sweet, sweet Amy. ( FINALLY getting to go to Disney World didn't stink either!) 

The job was supposed to last through the summer, but was cut short for reasons I didn't really understand until the summer was over. Another God thing. Had I been out jet setting I wouldn't have been home to say goodbye to 4 precious people. 4 funerals in one summer, after such a gut wrenching fall was tough. I spent several mornings in tears begging the Lord to continue to work in those situations. I still try to see what He's doing through them, or what He was doing, but i know that i will never understand, fully. And i'm ok with that. I am beyond blessed to have seen a man that was near and dear to my heart fully come to know the Lord and learn what it meant to walk intimately with Him. It was a beautiful blessing from the Lord and I am a better person because of it. God is still good.

As the summer ended, I couldn't help but be  thankful to get back to Oxford. I had a late game changer, and switched majors. (My parents are still trying to get over it.) I am taking this "senior" year and finishing my pre reqs for nursing school. I will finish at the end of the summer and then start applying from there. This fall flew by and I was so excited to FINALLY have my little sister in the same town, at the same school. It was so much fun.  A little piece of home is so good to the heart. Having her pledge KD was just icing on the cake. We have become so much closer, and now are not only my sisters.. but my friend. I'm so proud of her and can't wait to see what she does these four years!

I heard from many about senior year being filled with friends getting engaged and bridesmaids dressing being bought--this definitely rang true for 2012. Which is such an incredible feeling. Seeing friends I love, take on such a big and beautiful responsibility.. and to choose to include me in on their special day was so fun. I can't imagine this for myself anytime soon, but I have begun to be in constant prayer for these special friends and the lives they are forming. What a beautiful picture of God's love for the church. I am beyond blessed with such wonderful girls in my life. I am proud of you all!

At the end of the day I'm becoming familiar with the beautiful process of ups and downs, ebb and flow, victory and defeat. They depend upon each other. We wouldn't know defeat if we didn't have victory to measure it against, and we wouldn't understand that breath taking happiness is so wonderful if we could not compare it with lesser days of heartbreaking disappointment.

And at the end of the day, I know the Lord is teaching me to come to Him not with request, but with open hands and with an open heart. I've been so thankful of His grace that abounds and abounds and abounds. I am in need of it every single day. I wake up on some mornings and wonder how He could pour it out on a person like me.. and yet He reminds me of his unconditional forgiveness. It blows me away every single day. I am so unworthy.

And At the end of 2012.... I feel like i've ben sitting on the bench.. having been playing really hard, resting, bent over with my hands on my knees and out of breath. But knowing that I'm not alone. The Holy spirit rocked my world this year, of that I am thankful. And for the people that are only a phone call away, that love me even when i am SO hard to love, and who bless me in ways that I could never finish giving thanks for... I love you with my whole heart and have learned that real life is in the small moments--breakout dancing at red lights with Mollie, scaring the people next to us in the cars. The late night talks where she might not know it, but encourages me to wait on the Lord and HIS plan, the laughs... oh the laughs.. what little abs i have come from time spent sharing laughter with her. Late night trips to Whataburger with Stuart. He grew up over night, it seems. he has such a sweet heart, and i will be forever thankful for the afternoon i came in with sobbing tears after hearing about Coach and he was the only one home. He did the only thing he knew to do. Open his arms and let my 22 year old self cry into his 14 year old shoulders. I will forever cherish this moment. In all the moments spent on the phone with rosie, or late night chats on the couch. She has so much wisdom that i know has always been there, but i think i am just now appreciating it for what it is. a blessing. Her heart for others is something that comes so natural for her.. I wish i were more like that. And for the motivational texts that Greg loves to send, as if my academic career and life in Oxford is one big soccer game. All of the lunches, the quiet ones or the serious talk ones.. The way the Lord is molding Him, even as a 52 year old dad, is amazing. 

My heart is so full. It hurts sometimes, but most days it is so full. I am so thankful and beyond bless. Through the good times and the not so good times. I am excited and in prayer for all of that 2013 has to bring 

"because God said, ' never will i leave you, never will I forsake you.' So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. " Hebrews 13:6

Blessings upon blessings to you in 2013 and Always,

Kathryn Rose