5 days into this new year and i find myself finally sitting down with time. The time to look back on an entire year. Where i've been, places i've gone, people that were friends and became best friends, and on all the ways the Lord has blessed me, stretched me, changed me, showed Himself to me... and every single bit of it merits the time to adequately sit down and digest it.
I recently read a quote that read, " The days are slow, but the years are so, so fast." And i cannot think of a quote that better sums up a year of my life in a nutshell more than this. Looking back, i don't ever know where the time went but I am beyond thankful for the people I spent it with. Those faithful few who were there, and have been there, the entire way through.
It wasn't easy, but it could have been worse. It wasn't always sunshine, but it taught us to dance in the rain. It wasn't always happiness, but it taught me the difference between happiness and joy. And it wasn't always smooth... but it taught me to appreciate the days, however few and far between they are, where you close your eyes in a moment and think, "this is how it's supposed to be".
I started 2012 off, like many I know did as well, tending the broken heart that accompanies the loss of a friend. Knowing that whatever the next 365 days would bring, the Lord would be there every step of the way, as He showed us on that day and in the months that followed. The first part of the year is blurry. Filled with heartache and the want or the need, to be there for a best friend while being towns apart. Filled with anxiousness in waiting to hear Pat's sentencing. Those months were long and I saw the power of prayer. I felt the blessing of intimacy from the Lord that came when all I could do to help the people i loved was to pray. Filled with eagerness to start a job that would take me places I had never been before. Once school was out, I hit the ground running. Or should I say flying
I was blessed with the wonderful.. should I say, adventure? I nannied for a family that took me along with them all over the place! I was way out my league, to say the least. Destin for a week, New York for two and then, I fell in love. With Paris that is. It was absolutely beautiful and words, literally, do not do it justice. This job and the adventures that came along with it absolutely MADE my summer. But mostly, the privilege I had of loving on my sweet, sweet Amy. ( FINALLY getting to go to Disney World didn't stink either!)
The job was supposed to last through the summer, but was cut short for reasons I didn't really understand until the summer was over. Another God thing. Had I been out jet setting I wouldn't have been home to say goodbye to 4 precious people. 4 funerals in one summer, after such a gut wrenching fall was tough. I spent several mornings in tears begging the Lord to continue to work in those situations. I still try to see what He's doing through them, or what He was doing, but i know that i will never understand, fully. And i'm ok with that. I am beyond blessed to have seen a man that was near and dear to my heart fully come to know the Lord and learn what it meant to walk intimately with Him. It was a beautiful blessing from the Lord and I am a better person because of it. God is still good.
As the summer ended, I couldn't help but be thankful to get back to Oxford. I had a late game changer, and switched majors. (My parents are still trying to get over it.) I am taking this "senior" year and finishing my pre reqs for nursing school. I will finish at the end of the summer and then start applying from there. This fall flew by and I was so excited to FINALLY have my little sister in the same town, at the same school. It was so much fun. A little piece of home is so good to the heart. Having her pledge KD was just icing on the cake. We have become so much closer, and now are not only my sisters.. but my friend. I'm so proud of her and can't wait to see what she does these four years!
I heard from many about senior year being filled with friends getting engaged and bridesmaids dressing being bought--this definitely rang true for 2012. Which is such an incredible feeling. Seeing friends I love, take on such a big and beautiful responsibility.. and to choose to include me in on their special day was so fun. I can't imagine this for myself anytime soon, but I have begun to be in constant prayer for these special friends and the lives they are forming. What a beautiful picture of God's love for the church. I am beyond blessed with such wonderful girls in my life. I am proud of you all!
At the end of the day I'm becoming familiar with the beautiful process of ups and downs, ebb and flow, victory and defeat. They depend upon each other. We wouldn't know defeat if we didn't have victory to measure it against, and we wouldn't understand that breath taking happiness is so wonderful if we could not compare it with lesser days of heartbreaking disappointment.
And at the end of the day, I know the Lord is teaching me to come to Him not with request, but with open hands and with an open heart. I've been so thankful of His grace that abounds and abounds and abounds. I am in need of it every single day. I wake up on some mornings and wonder how He could pour it out on a person like me.. and yet He reminds me of his unconditional forgiveness. It blows me away every single day. I am so unworthy.
And At the end of 2012.... I feel like i've ben sitting on the bench.. having been playing really hard, resting, bent over with my hands on my knees and out of breath. But knowing that I'm not alone. The Holy spirit rocked my world this year, of that I am thankful. And for the people that are only a phone call away, that love me even when i am SO hard to love, and who bless me in ways that I could never finish giving thanks for... I love you with my whole heart and have learned that real life is in the small moments--breakout dancing at red lights with Mollie, scaring the people next to us in the cars. The late night talks where she might not know it, but encourages me to wait on the Lord and HIS plan, the laughs... oh the laughs.. what little abs i have come from time spent sharing laughter with her. Late night trips to Whataburger with Stuart. He grew up over night, it seems. he has such a sweet heart, and i will be forever thankful for the afternoon i came in with sobbing tears after hearing about Coach and he was the only one home. He did the only thing he knew to do. Open his arms and let my 22 year old self cry into his 14 year old shoulders. I will forever cherish this moment. In all the moments spent on the phone with rosie, or late night chats on the couch. She has so much wisdom that i know has always been there, but i think i am just now appreciating it for what it is. a blessing. Her heart for others is something that comes so natural for her.. I wish i were more like that. And for the motivational texts that Greg loves to send, as if my academic career and life in Oxford is one big soccer game. All of the lunches, the quiet ones or the serious talk ones.. The way the Lord is molding Him, even as a 52 year old dad, is amazing.
My heart is so full. It hurts sometimes, but most days it is so full. I am so thankful and beyond bless. Through the good times and the not so good times. I am excited and in prayer for all of that 2013 has to bring
"because God said, ' never will i leave you, never will I forsake you.' So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. " Hebrews 13:6
Blessings upon blessings to you in 2013 and Always,
Kathryn Rose
